insert clever blog title here

It’s interesting how much things can swerve back and forth in terms of emotion.  We can feel alive, happy to be here, imbibed with seemingly limitless energy or we can feel empty, far gone, and without hope for future redemption.  As someone who’s always felt things very deeply, perhaps deeper than I really should, these swings always feel different.  This isn’t to say that I’m bipolar and exist one one of those two extremes.  Most of the time I’m moderately content and just continue on with whatever it is that I’m doing or need to do.  However, there are times when I’ll fly into great heights or fall into great lows, and that is where things get sketchy.

All my life I’ve believed in some sort of yin-yang balance where good things now will be rewarded with great things later and so on, if that makes any sense.  So I’ve tried to contribute to this world.  I’ll help my friends with almost anything they want, without expectation of anything in return.  I’ll talk to anyone and try and help them through a rough patch or anything else they may need help figuring out.  The problem is, I never do these things myself.  I’m constantly afraid of feeling like a burden.  If I do ask for a favor or talk to someone about my inner thoughts, I feel guilty about it almost immediately afterward.  I’m predisposed to being a very private person, and there’s very little I reveal unless I trust you enough to be close to me.  This takes a while, as I’m wary of people due to being hurt several times in my past.  It is a miracle that anyone is friends with me to this day, and I am incredibly grateful for all those who are close to me.

Another issue is trying to keep all these good things in my life in my conscious when the not-so-wonderful thoughts come marching on in, as if on a schedule they must keep.  I want to put signs up that remind me of these things when I’m feeling blue, but I’m also afraid of coming off maudlin or as someone with severe, isolating mental problems.  But I’m moderately isolated anyway, so I suppose I could do so without any effects.  Sometimes all I want is to be close to someone else — mentally and physically — to give myself a rest from all the things I take in and hold on a daily basis.  It gets quite heavy after a while, and any way to relieve that burden would be good.  I’m not holding out for much though, I don’t have the best luck.

Anyway, I think I’ll write tomorrow about a few of my favorite looks from the New York Fashion Week collections so far.  That way, it’ll be a nice vacation from my mental rambling.  I promise.